Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize