I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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