Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize
