Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
