you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
