Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
