The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize