the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
