omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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