Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
