we're chasing vodka with high fives
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize