If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
