Your face is a jimmy john
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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