I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
