no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize