Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
