Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
