my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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