what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize