I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
