Define "chronic" masturbator.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
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