Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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