Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
