I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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