There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm too high and old for this...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
