You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
