they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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