My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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