Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
