I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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