I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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