The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
