I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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