He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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