last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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