apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
