You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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