Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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