he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
