Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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