Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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