Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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