You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
