I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
