Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
