Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
