he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Life is so much better after having sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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