Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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