chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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