I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
