No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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