I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
