Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
