STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
