If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You are a genius and a whore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
