Plan B is the new Plan A
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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