It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
