I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
