Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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