you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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