Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
