The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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