watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
