I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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