i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
