We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize