After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
