You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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