I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize