her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
