so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
