Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
