when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Couch. On fire.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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