Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
