Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Actions speak louder than pants.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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