holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
