i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I pour the whiskey from now on
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
