Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
nutella sex= disaster
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
