we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
