Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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