Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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