...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
