She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
