his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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