I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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