my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
