remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
